And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” ~Anais Nin

Why is that? Is it our constant quest for perfection? Or is it our fear of missing out on something if we’re not prepared for everything?

Culturally, we’re missing the point. We all have strengths and we all have weaknesses. Success and happiness are not determined by how hard we work on our weaknesses. Rather, they are determined by what we make of our strengths.

Are you making the most of your strengths? Or are you on the sidelines, still trying to fit square pegs into round holes?

Personally, I’m somewhere in the middle. I am making the most of my strengths, certainly. But I’m also unwilling to make peace with the things I’m not good at. I have a fear that if I accept my weaknesses and let them be, I’m somehow giving up and that doesn’t sit well with me.

I guess that’s a cultural inheritance I will have to overcome because as I look at this now I see that I, too, am missing the point. Spending time fretting over weakness and imperfection steals away precious time and energy from the things that have the greatest capacity for impact.

The hustle and bustle of the evening may then continue, which if you have kids, you certainly experience. But between walking in the door and finally hitting the sheets, there is this little spark, this little ”I love you”. . .

My husband and I adopted this habit and it has done wonders!  May you also enjoy the benefits!

Be happy.

Maintain a sense of wonder. 

Stay inspired. 

Always be learning. 

Help others. 

Do things you’re good at.  

Read books. 

Limit television. 

Exercise.

Do something creative every single day. 

Stay close to friends and family. 

Let your heart guide you. 

Trust intuition. 

Face your fears. 

Believe in yourself.

Embrace mindfulness. 

Love the moment. 

Accept what is. 

Let go of inner resistance. 

Create a life that is joyously abundant.

Surround yourself with good people. 

Think positive. 

Feed your soul. 

Love others with your whole heart.

Go outside and listen to the stillness. 

Breathe. 

Do your daily pages. 

Meditate. 

Keep a gratitude journal.

I enjoyed this book simply because it was so interesting and because Gladwell is so gifted at taking textbook facts and turning them into very relatable stories. My biggest takeaway was the discussion on race and gender and how a lifetime of negative images and opinions shapes our unconscious, and thus our behavior, whether or not we agree with those images in our conscious mind. There is even an online test you can take through Harvard University which “assesses your own conscious and unconscious preferences.” I am a parent and as such this part of the book really hit home for me. It made the advice of limiting negative images my children are exposed to via television, movies and video games much more relevant. It also made me understand how imperative it is that we expose our children to the great men and women in history who have overcome adversity and contributed in a positive way to society.

Blink is a fascinating read. If you have also read this book, please share your comments!

 *Originally posted March 5, 2009

This writing tale of Gilbert’s made me smile as it is similar to the way I find my writing voice, though let’s be clear: my audience is infinitely smaller than hers! I find that when I write to the Crowd on the Internet I trip over my words and get trapped in conundrums, missing my main point. What I do instead is write as though I were speaking to one of my best friends who lives a few states away.  Our phone conversations vacillate between the deep end and the hilariously small points of day to day life. There is much laughter and a comforting sense of being known when we talk. When I write a post, I ask myself what it is I am trying to get across (“the point”) and then I write as if I were explaining this point to her. When I do this, the words flow, and writing is truly a pleasurable process.

This all brought me to thinking about the expectations we have for living our lives. One would hope that each of us lives by the calling of our own heart. But it isn’t always the case. Many times, we find ourselves making decisions and choices that we deem acceptable to the masses. We live according to expectations set forth by our families, our co-workers, by those in our social station, or by a fictionalized audience we create for ourselves. Many times, these expectations may not actually exist but we think they are so. We let them hold power over us and rule our lives. We find ourselves making decisions from the outside in and our “self” gets lost in the mix. We are trying to please everyone else with our actions and hoping that we might feel good in the end, which is a risky gamble.

We each have a moral compass and we each have a heart capable of handling so much. When we live according to what feels right we cannot help but feel good. We are being true and operating from love.

Even knowing all this, we can occasionally slip up. It is important every now and again to take pause and consider whose expectations we are considering as we measure the movement of our lives. We must ask, Are my choices motivated by what I think my own “crowd of millions” wants from me? Am I taking a “majority vote” for how I live my life?

Or, Am I moving through life freely, living by what is true in my own heart?

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”  -Oscar Wilde

Take a moment today to do something nice for yourself. It can be something small, like treating yourself to an afternoon frozen yogurt or a Starbucks drink and your favorite slice of coffee cake. Don’t eat on the run—sit down for just fifteen minutes and enjoy the taste and texture of each bite. Take in the scenery, notice the weather, the people around you. What are your priorities this week? Have you planned time each day to focus on those priorities? Are there any unresolved issues that need your attention (so you can let them go)? Have you planned something fun this week for yourself, with a friend or with a loved one? Take a deep breath in and then breathe out slowly. Notice how good you feel, how relaxed and rejuvenated. You have just done something very nice for yourself in less than a half hour. Self-care doesn’t have to be a major undertaking. Even in very small doses, you will feel all the benefits.

*Originally published March 23, 2009

The first half of the book is dedicated to explaining Love and Logic principles. The second half is filled with forty-eight Love and Logic “Pearls” which are different scenarios in which the principles might apply and how to address each one. Many contain sample dialogues as well. Examples include bedtime battles, eating and table manners, getting ready for school, television watching, and temper tantrums, to name a few. The authors stress the need for practice, practice, practice. These principles must be practiced in order to master the technique. The authors also stress the importance of delaying discipline decisions until enough time has passed that a parent is firm on what to say, how to deliver the message, and that the consequence fits the offense. Through every process described, a strong level of love and respect is maintained between parent and child and anger and yelling are absolutely unnecessary.

Parenting, like life, is an adventure. The more prepared we can be along our journey, the greater the rewards. I thought this story in the book, used to play up the necessity of time and practice—and the benefit if we stick with something—was particularly wonderful. I think it applies to much of what I write about on this blog. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

A fifty-year-old man approached a musician and asked, ‘Can you teach me to play the trombone so I can play in the town civic band and in parades and other things?’

‘Sure,’ the musician said.

‘How long will it take?’ the aspiring trombonist asked.

‘Well,’ the musician said, ‘I could teach almost anybody to play anything he wanted to play in five years’ time.’

‘Five years!’ the would-be student said. ‘I’ll be fifty-five years old by then!’

‘Yes, you will,’ the musician returned. ‘And how old will you be in five years if you don’t learn how to play the trombone?’” (p109)

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic is also available. Additional information may be found on the Love and Logic website.

There is something about seeing one’s life or career displayed visually to music that I find absolutely mesmerizing. It doesn’t matter whose life is being honored in this way, I’m hooked just by the sheer power of story telling. I love the glimpse we’re given into the inner workings of one’s life; the choices one made, the steps one took, the father, mother, teacher or mentor who made a difference; I love learning about everything that delivered him or her to this moment. I always wonder which images made the subject’s heart swell with pride and which caused him discomfort. Also, which events were left on the cutting room floor, deemed unimportant in the grand scheme of one’s life or career?

My form of a highlight reel is our family album. I scrapbook family events throughout the year but it usually isn’t until the beginning of the next year that I add titles and journaling and put the whole album together for display. Last year, I looked through our ‘08 album and felt such a wave of gratitude wash over me. We had pictures from fun trips, of the boys playing various sports and progressing with their skills and level of interest, we celebrated birthdays with good friends, we had some great visits with our extended family, the boys lost teeth, gained freckles, grew in height, things like that. The album showcased what a good and blessed life we have. I felt so very fortunate for every experience when I looked through it.

This year, I’m busy working on the last few pages of our 2009 album and I’m doing the same thing: looking over where we went, what we did, who we were with, what we accomplished. I am adding to this a mental list of events that occurred which are not showcased in the album: friendships that have grown richer, an important friendship that came to an end, my youngest son starting elementary school, another year of marriage to a fantastic husband, making some fun changes to our home, and starting Joy Discovered. I am also revisiting lessons I struggled through, lessons I learned joyfully and things I made peace with. Once again, I am so grateful. I am grateful for all the encounters that brought me instant happiness. I am grateful for the encounters that were painful, too, because as I sit here marveling over them several months later, I realize I made it through. I’m stronger and wiser. I’m still standing and in one piece!

Life is absolutely something to be celebrated. All parts, absolutely every experience, are to be marveled at and examined with glee. There is something we gain in the form of character or wisdom from every encounter. There is always a silver lining. Always. Take a few minutes today to jot down what would be placed in your 2009 Highlight Reel. It’s a fun exercise. When you are finished, pat yourself on the back—you made it through another glorious year of life. All this stuff you’re looking over, it’s all yours. This is your story and yours alone. That means something. It means a lot.

And 2010 is a fresh start, another blank canvas.

I purchased some great apps for my iPod Touch that I wanted to share with you:  A Year of Daily Wisdom perpetual calendar by Marianne Williamson and the I Can Do It 2010 Calendar by Louise Hay. Both are awesome! I am loving their daily messages. You can find these Hay House apps and others by Dr. Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue, Cheryl Richardson, and Esther & Jerry Hicks on the Oceanhouse Media website or through the App Store on your iPhone or iPod Touch.

Experience New Tastes – Try something new, or something you have always thought you didn’t like from childhood. Sample a new tea, order a cocktail you’ve never had before, eat a different breakfast each morning, sample beets on a warm spinach salad. You might surprise yourself!

Take on a Home Project - A little improvement or upgrade to your home feels so good! If you are worried about not having enough time or money, break the project down into its smallest part and just do that. The littlest effort pays big dividends.

Plan a Party - No occasion is necessary. The party can be as simple or complicated as you wish. Have friends over for pizza and to play Wii. Invite your neighbors to join you for breakfast Sunday morning. Any reason is a good reason.

Be a Tourist in Your Own City - There are still places left that you haven’t thoroughly explored, no matter how long you’ve lived there. I guarantee it! 

Plan a Trip, Big or Small – It is so fun to have your sights set on a place and a time to get away. Your trip doesn’t have to be costly. Plan a simple day trip to the coast and pack a gourmet picnic, for example. Invite someone special to join you. Make a mix CD of your favorite music to listen to along the way; prepare a special drink and toast the sunset. Any trip, big or small, can feel like an adventure with a little planning.

Expand Your Musical Repertoire - Ask a friend to swap playlists or mix CDs of favorite songs. It’s a great way to expand your taste into new musical frontiers. A friend of mine shared her “run mix” with me. I loved all the fast, loud, upbeat songs on her list. Tabitha, who writes the blog I Choose Bliss sent me some relaxing, instrumental CDs. Both are wonderfully calming; I now play them in my house all the time. My sister just made me some CDs, too; it’s fun to experience her taste in music and I’ve adopted some new favorites.

Take a Class – What I’ve discovered over the past few years is that there is a class for absolutely everything you are interested in at a variety of commitment levels. Take a semester-long college course, or a weekend seminar. Take a day-long class or attend a two-hour lecture by a favorite speaker. Learning something new is a great way to shake things up.

Let Go of To Do Lists – Lists lovers, listen up! If your lists have become so detailed that they are sucking the life out of your day or acting as a barrier to your ability to enjoy the moment, it’s time to let them go! I am adopting a new organization strategy this year for just this reason. I have a new calendar with just a tiny space for each day–no room for my mile-long lists. While this is a major departure for me, I am confident things will still get done and I will still be a productive person; I’ll just be happier and more present as I go about my business!

Check Your Organizing Systems - Do your organizing tasks still serve you or are you continuing to do some of them just because you always have? Your time is precious! Be selective about what you do; make sure it enhances your life.

Refresh Your Appearance – Is it time to update your hair style or color? How about a new lipstick shade? Maybe a new winter jacket or adding in new colors to your wardrobe? Simply adding accessories to your outfit like a scarf or jewelry can go a long way, too.

Get Your Thrill On – I’ve written before about the importance of play. One way to put an extra spring in your step is to seek out adrenaline-inducing activities. Go zip-lining, sky dive, do some indoor (or outdoor) rock climbing, drive go karts, go on roller coasters. Get out there and break free from your comfort zone!

Turn Off Your Computer –  I know, I know, there is so much to do on the computer: emails to answer, blogs to read, things to google, Facebook and Twitter to update…but really, it won’t go anywhere if you check in less often. Spend more time living this year and less time being plugged in. Positive results are immediately noticeable!

Dress Up - I have friends who still own dress-up boxes and go all out for theme parties and Halloween, especially. One of these friends has a collection of wigs, too. They make dressing up look like so much fun! Resolve this year to dive in, and dress up. There are nine months until Halloween; that’s plenty of time to plan.

Rearrange Your Furniture – We moved furniture around for the holidays and were pleasantly surprised by how much better the house looked. We were also shocked by how beneficial the change was to our peace of mind; our space feels refreshed and fun again.

Give Your Shoulda Woulda Coulda Thoughts the Heave Ho – Decide today that you aren’t going to let those thoughts bring you down anymore. All you have is this moment. Celebrate it! Do something different in the next moment if you desire change. Don’t lament what you didn’t do or think; it’s a waste of time and energy.

Stop Wishing, Just Do It - Wishing someone a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year is a wonderful thing to do. Wishing things were different from what they are is not. This is your ego playfully whining and complaining that this moment is inferior to what just was or what could be. Examples: I wish I brought my coat, I wish it wasn’t so cold in the house, I wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow. When you catch yourself making an “I wish” statement, cut yourself off mid-sentence! And then celebrate exactly the moment you’re in for exactly what it is. If the present moment calls for action, turn things around in the next moment. I wish I brought my coat turns into “I’m going to run back home and get my coat” or “Can I borrow a sweater?” I wish it wasn’t so cold in the house becomes “I think I’ll turn on the heater” or “I’m going to exercise now to get my blood flowing.”

My hope for you all is that 2010 is bigger, better, richer and fuller. Remember to shake things up! Let go of what no longer works, adopt new things that refresh your outlook and add sparkle to your days. Have fun! Keep things light!