“Who would you be in people’s presence without, for example, the story that anyone should care about you, ever? You would be love itself. When you believe the myth that people should care, you’re too needy to care about people or about yourself. The experience of love can’t come from anyone else; it can come only from inside you” (Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy, p71).
I was fortunate to learn from an early age that loving yourself is necessary for experiencing any kind of love at all. I knew that the degree of love one experiences in life is a reflection of the love one feels for herself. This knowledge made me bold—I thought I could only love myself thoroughly if I had a strong sense of self. I made it my goal to live with intention; I owned my words and actions, wore my heart on my sleeve, and strived to live without regrets. In knowing myself well, I was able to identify what I wanted in life, and who I wanted in my life. Love opened a lot of doors. This doesn’t mean I didn’t experience my share of mistakes or disappointments; certainly I did. But through it all, there was love.
What I know is that love begins with self-acceptance. We must embrace everything: the good, the bad, the ugly. All parts of us are beautiful. We celebrate every encounter, every action, every word and every thought, for in these experiences there are valuable lessons we gain or teach another.
If love is lacking in your life, change begins in you. Whether it is something in your life that you need to shift; or something about yourself that you need to accept, it all comes down to you and your relationship with self. Consider this: every day is a fresh start; every moment is a fresh start, every breath is a fresh start.
What do you need to do right now so that you can let love in? Who do you need to be right now so that you can let love in?If you liked this post, please sign up for my RSS Feed or an email subscription. Thank you!
Hi Jodi,
It’s snowing here (on your site!)!!
Self-acceptance is so important. If we can’t love and accept ourselves, how can we go out and show love to our world around us? I don’t think we can – at least not real and meaningful love. And then I wonder, too – if, as a society – we put too much pressure on what love looks like from the outside? Do we focus too much of the physical appearance, and miss that deeper and more connecting love? I think that we do, all too often.
Love is at our core…if we can only see it. For all of us, it’s there – I really do believe this. It’s a matter of being “okay” with who we are, loving ourselves and the beauty of who we are…deeply.
Jodi,
I have Katie’s book and it looks like it’s been through a hurricane I’ve reread it so many times. I leave it on an end table and pick it up when I know I’m not feeling love.
“We celebrate every encounter, every action, every word and every thought, for in these experiences there are valuable lessons we gain or teach another.”
Thanks for giving me words to carry in my heart this holiday season. It’s all about love…thanks for telling everyone!
Such beautiful words and such a powerful invitation to let self love in! Thank you!
I don’t think I need to BE anything more than who I am in my essence right now. I am love, as are you, as are we all, but sometimes we do forget (spiritual amnesia!).
In answer to your first question…to continue to release all that holds me back from truly believing I am just fine as I am. No need to strive or achieve or to perfect my human self. I continue to vow to embrace all of me and love myself as I am. I hope we all will. xo
Yeah this is totally true. It’s such a paradox that in order to be loved, a person must love themselves first. And maybe they don’t even need to go so far as to say they love themselves. Maybe just being able to say “I like myself” is enough. Perhaps that’s why people seem to like optimists more than pessimists
Hi Jodi,
This is a brilliant post! So much wisdom in a few words. Thanks.
As you say, it’s about completely allowing whatever inner experience rises and noticing as witness. We run after pleasant states and run away from unpleasant states, but if we can simply let go resistance, and embrace “the good, the bad, and the ugly,” that is self-acceptance. And then love just is, it is the whole of it, and there is no effort to it.
Thanks for insight!
k
I love Byron Katie and am halfway through the same book. I remember reading that passage and earmarking the page. I’m so glad you featured it here today!
What I’m learning more and more is that loving ourselves means applying a certain gentleness to how we view our actions, moment to moment. I think it also means recognizing that there’s a fluidity to life and to all beings everywhere. We are never the same as we were, and will never be who we are in this present moment again. Like you said, every moment is a chance to start anew, and truly when we apply the gentleness of love in our lives, I see that it’s like water slowly wearing away our hard edges and exposing our softer side.
Love is accepting of all, and when we stand true in love’s glorious light, I think we find that it’s effortless to be the same.
I hope your week is filled with many miracles, Jodi, and that love surrounds you in everything you do!
Such a thoughtful and inspiring post, thank you! When you say ‘Love opened a lot of doors” I fell like this is so true; in that when we allow love to be present in our hearts and in our life we are open to many more experiences and moments that otherwise we might not be able to see or to feel.
Love is an unwavering acceptance; something that is powerful and allows us to live life each day with strength and compassion.
To let love in I will continue to acknowledge and accept and love myself for who I truly am and embrace and continue to love those around me for who they truly are and to love life itself for every moment
thank you again!!
Most people are looking at the concept of love in a wrong way. This is why we find it hard to make sense of love within ourselves.
The true essence of love lies beyond the boundaries of our ego. It is not resisting but rather accepting. Until we find acceptance of who we are and what we are in the bigger picture, only then can we see that the source of all things is love.
Jodi,
You said it so well…”We must embrace everything….all parts are beautiful”.
When you are open to the very moment exactly as it is exactly as you are, that is love. It can be shared is such simple ways, doesn’t have to be grandiose or showy, and should be as comfortable to give as it is to receive. For me, I’m working on being as generous in receiving as I am in sharing..it’s an amazing wondrous lesson in keeping the “flow” of energy.
The best part about this holiday season to me is the expression of love–people talk openly about matters of the heart, try so hard to express their love through “the perfect gift”, join together over food with friends and family. Perfect:)
Thank you for a beautiful, heart warming post. Made my heart very happy–
Many “love” blessings to you during this season….
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Byron Katie…and I’m so glad you shared such an important passage from her book with us. It bears repeating until!
To stand in the presence of others without thinking they should care…to be love itself…
As I go throughout my day, this is my intention.
Thank you Jodi!
xo
Peggy
Hi Jodi.
Love is something we all can do and love will change everything and anything.
It is available if we let it and I too have been lucky enough to have experienced lots of love from my parents in my youth.
For me it is about not judging myself, I can forgive others so I can forgive myself and I am not eternally indebted for my mistakes.
The freedom and joy that gives is awesome.
As Peggy said, “be love itself” is such a wonderful way to stand in life.
Thank you Jodi for being love, Wilma xox
Hi Jodi,
You are so blessed to have discovered at a young age the importance of self-love. Not many people do until they are much older.
Oscar Wilde once wrote that the greatest love affair in life is with oneself. I think there is a lot of truth in that statement. For once we are able to love who we are, then we are able to love others.
In my mind, the ideal form of love is unconditional love. So many people think that they love another person but they attach so many conditions, it kind of defies the point.
Love gives and so each day I try to give as much love to whomever crosses my path. Sometimes I give it in a form of a smile, a generous tip or simply a hug. Love is what counts most in life.
Hope all is awesome!
Hi! It’s me from over at Jan Lundy’s the other day.
I like your snow flakes!
This post reminds me very very much of a Rumi quote I read recently in Chris Edgar’s “Inner Productivity”…
“Your task is not to seek for love , but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
That’s a major wow for me.
[...] Freaking Love Jump to Comments I read a post today about self-acceptance and how if you expect people to care about you, you’re too needy [...]
Hi Lance!
Isn’t the snow cool? WordPress did that. I love it!
I think your point about how society puts too much pressure on what love looks like from the outside is so true! It goes even beyond physical appearance, I think. I like how you mentioned being “okay” with who we are. It’s not about thinking of ourselves “perfect” beings in every way, that isn’t the goal. It’s a great place to be in when you are “okay” with you are, absolutely! Thank you so much for what you contributed here, Lance!
Hi Tess!
My copy is pretty tattered as well. The pages are highlighed and dog-eared…I hate to treat a book that way, but I can’t help myself when Katie’s wisdom is so abundant! What a great idea to pick up her book(s) when you’re not “feeling it”–her words are very good at bringing us back to center, back to peace and back to love!
Hi Jan!
Wow, “to continue to release all that holds me back from truly believing I am just fine as I am. No need to strive or achieve or to perfect my human self. I continue to vow to embrace all of me and love myself as I am”–what a beautiful wish! I think we all need to embrace this goal!
Hi Ben!
You are right, just liking yourself, or just being “okay” with yourself, as Lance described above, is a wonderful thing. And I always go back to what I learned from Adyashanti, which is that in life we are striving for wholeness, not perfection. So loving ourselves isn’t about an arrival point or destination, it is simply accepting all that we are right now, “as is.”
Hi Kaushik!
Thank you for your compliment on this post! I like what you wrote here: “it’s about completely allowing whatever inner experience rises and noticing as witness.” It is human to feel so many different emotions–they certainly aren’t all going to be positive and warm and fuzzy. The ugly thoughts about ourselves, about others, etc. do not make us an ugly person. Accepting whatever runs through us a witness helps so much I think, in giving us space to reconcile what is happening inside. Great point. Thank you!
Hi Megan!
I love your application of gentleness, and the lovely vision of love running through like water softening our hard edges. That is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing that here, it is really lovely. xo!
Hi A. Simplicity!
I really like what you wrote here: “To let love in I will continue to acknowledge and accept and love myself for who I truly am and embrace and continue to love those around me for who they truly are and to love life itself for every moment.” It is wonderful that you are seeking to love yourself–and–apply that same love and acceptance to the people around you and to the world as it is around you. That is the true definition of living in reality! Bravo!
Hi Walter!
Your point is a good one. Our ego mind will argue every point we make about ourselves. It tries to outlaw accetpance of what is from every angle all the time! Kaushik’s point about being witness to these thoughts, rather than being identified by these thoughts, is really helpful when combatting our ego self. Thank you so much for adding that point here!
Hi Joy!
I really like your emphasis on sharing love and receiving love, and the flow of energy that creates between two people. It takes effort to do both sharing and receiving. So often we deflect love coming at us–we all can work on accepting goodness from others, myself included!
Hi Peggy!
It is so nice having our love and adoration for Byron Katie in common! I have learned so much from her. When I re-read her, I learn more and more. Her wisdom is infinite! xo!
Hi Wilma!
You bring up a really great benefit of loving oneself: “For me it is about not judging myself, I can forgive others so I can forgive myself and I am not eternally indebted for my mistakes.” When we accept who we are exactly as we are, we are open to forgiveness and we are able to let go. I am so glad that you live in that space of peace and love and joy! xo!
Hi Nadia!
I love that quote by Oscar Wilde, that is one my collection, too. I totally believe in it. I think the best kind of love is unconditional love, too. But lately I’m wondering if that even exists between humans. So often we can think we love someone unconditionally and yet there just always seem to be conditions either obvious or under layers and layers and layers. I started a post on this subject once, but it seemed too pessimistic so I never published it. I really like it that you seek to spread love every day. I love it that you recognize the value of a smile or a warm gesture. That’s all it takes! Love really is that simple! Thank you for spreading your goodness around!
Hi Jannie!
It is so nice of you to stop by here! That quote you shared is a major wow for me, too. Thank you SO much for sharing that here!
Lovely post!!! I love your snow flakes. Love is every thing in this world! God is love and Mother means love….IMO love should be given to every one with out any expectation. If we give it will come so much….
The joy always the best essence for the life…developing the relationship in the whole world.In the feelings must be followed to manage the happy or the sad must be followed as the same.thats good.
Hi Jodi — I think that’s an important thing to remember — that feeling loved is an experience we have within our own minds and bodies, not something the world needs to give us or make us have.
Hi Joydi! I’m so late to the party here – gosh, holiday hoopla is my only excuse!
You are hitting the nail on the head with acceptance! In answer to your questions, I’ve had to do a bit of work on that old acceptance thing because it was taking away from my capacity to give love. We (hubs and my daughter too) have had to accept my son’s choice in a GF (I know this sounds stupid) but we all felt she was not a good fit for family harmony. It’s taken me awhile but I know the only thing to do – and to be, is centered around acceptance (gulp). I crocheted a scarf for her for Xmas and with every stitch I sent love to her. Felt much better about the whole situation by the time I wrapped up the scarf!
May your holidays be as bright and shining as you are!
Hugs always
suZen
Hi Jodi
Those words you spoke of are so touching, I went through alot with finding love within. As you can read on my blog after my mom passed it was down hill for me. All has improved and my life is wonderful. I hve all of Katie’s books and had the pleasure of meeting her. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\love to all and happy holidays .
Luv Roberta
Merry Christmas Jodi!!
Jodi, I love love love this post!
it came in perfect timing, I felt nudged over here today hoping for a new entry 
and yay!
hugs, luv Jenn
So much of what you said resonated with me.
Growing up I actually didn’t start out like you shared,.. my story was one of loving outwardly to gain (illusion) of worth and value and belonging. I also sought perfection as beauty. It has only been recently after a few years of intense change that I’ve come into my own and it is so enchanting,.. I can actually feel an elegant heart’s inn forming.. and yes it will be about others.. but first we are Love itself, as you share.. we are all that we seek for the Source is within us. I love the quote that you started out with for now it is exactly what my intention is.. “to stay within, and travel.. ” rather than seek needlessly for what does not matter. Thank you for this message again to remind me of not so much where I’ve been, and where I’m going, but who I am in this gentle unfolding – I love your snow here too!