I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.” Joan Didion
Opinions
When did our opinions become so important? We live in this extremely self-indulgent society where the court of public opinion, rather than the simple truth, decides the fate of things that aren’t even our business to begin with. With the media, commercials, movies and television shows, we really have been trained to give much too much value to our own opinions. I’m talking about the egoic opinions we all have, narrating our every encounter, clouding true reason with relentless little judgments. Outwardly, when we speak these forbidden thoughts, we are gossiping. We fool ourselves into thinking that gossiping is a way of bonding, we think it builds trust between people when actually every whispered utterance chips away at the collective spirit. As we begin to realize how ugly gossip is, even when it’s whispered only to a close friend or relative, even when it’s shared only with our trusted partner, we cease giving these thoughts a voice. Yet these thoughts are still nasty little seeds planted in the garden of our minds, tainting the filter through which we perceive the world and everyone in it.
Over time, the thoughts decrease and we begin to see more people and events through loving eyes; we cease labeling everything and we try our hardest to see the best in every person and situation. But the dreaded thoughts do still rear their ugly heads on occasion. This is troubling. When we commit to honoring the best in all beings and yet these thoughts still pop up, we are most certainly troubled.
Gratitude
Gratitude is one way we can combat the ego. Gratitude opens our hearts to accepting what IS. The more we accept what is, the more open we are to accepting others for who they are and the more open we are to accepting ourselves as we are, flaws and all. The more we embrace acceptance the more we are filled with love for this life we are so blessed to live. I have mentioned gratitude countless times in this blog because it is such a powerful tool for living a joyful life. Gratitude helps us resurrect the joy that dwells within us.
Simply acknowledging that you are grateful for your life is wonderful. But to gain the full benefits of gratitude, we must practice it. This involves keeping a notebook at your bedside and on a regular basis, recording three to five things (or more when you are so inclined) that you are grateful for from your day. When you first begin doing this, it may be difficult. Your mind instantly grasps for the things in your life you are “supposed” to be grateful for. While those things are certainly worth the gratitude, the practice of gratitude is really about breaking your day down and feeling gratitude for the small acts of kindness, happiness, luck or what have you, that you experienced. An entry may be something like this:
October 5, 2009
- I am grateful for the view of the Pacific as I crested the hill on Alga this afternoon. It was breathtaking.
- I am grateful that after my son’s booster shots today, he learned how calming a big breath in and out can be.
- I am grateful my older son had such a happy lightness to him today and that homework was effortless.
- I am grateful for the five minute chat I had with my friend today, outside her house.
- I am grateful that while I got a great deal crossed off my to do list today, I managed also to take care of my kids in a way that they knew they came first and were special. I haven’t felt in harmony like that in a very long time.
As we collect these lists each night, we are training ourselves to have a ‘gratitude mindset’. Pretty soon you will find you are subconsciously looking for the next positive spark to add to your night’s list, which means that low and behold you are starting to expect the positive in your life. You realize the little things are the big things: you begin to feel as wonderful when the items on your grocery list are on sale at the store, as when you are given a raise at work. You learn that you are equally pleased by someone holding open the door for you as you are by receiving a gift. Your gratitude for the big joys in life is not diminished but added to that, you now have raised the impact that small moments have on you. It is in this way that you experience a shift in your world. It is in this way that you begin to see and feel love towards everyone and everything–because you begin to feel love all around you. Gratitude envelopes you like a warm blanket. You relish the comfort and pay it forward; and so the love in your world expands, as does the warmth you perceive around you.
Bridging the Gap
And yet, gosh darn it, every now and again, you still find yourself having a violently bitter thought about a situation or person. I have been so frustrated by another that I called him/her “worthless” in my mind. How awful is that? The loving being that you now know yourself to be looks at this and wonders where in the world is this bitterness coming from? How can it be? I thought I had overcome my ego? I thought I was on the path to living an awakened life?
This is where our beloved Adyashanti comes in. A while back I wrote about his book The End of Your World. I gained so much from that one book. I have been mulling over something Adyashanti wrote for the past few months and I think it applies here. He wrote that even those who are awakened have an egoic thought rise to the surface occasionally. What he would do in those instances is go to a coffee shop and write in his journal endlessly, trying with all his might to get to the origin of this egoic thought, to this bitterness. The point he made in why this is necessary for one to do is that quite often we come to terms with something intellectually without completely processing the emotional component. These instances when bitterness boils to the surface are actually opportunities for us to bridge the gap between our intellect and our emotions.
I recognize this in myself. There are some situations I have lived through that were emotionally very painful. At the time they occurred, everything seemed to be happening so fast that I’m not sure I was even capable of processing everything I was feeling. Growing up and past those events though, I would say that intellectually I have made peace with it all; I have crossed every ”t” and dotted every ” i”. And yet, the ego rears its head. So I am learning, like Adyashanti once did, to sit with my bitterness when it bubbles up and investigate it, and in so doing, give myself a chance to recognize the raw emotion that is still within me, and to make peace. I embrace the harsh emotions, let them cycle through me, counsel them, and set them free. In this way, I am showing myself a love that is patient, forgiving and nurturing. Which brings us back to the concept of acceptance, once again.
Our greatest tool for combatting the ego is accepting the present moment for everything it is, exactly as it is. How do we do this? By practicing gratitude. This must be done on a regular basis. This type of thinking, feeling, being, living is like a muscle and it must be exercised so that it can remain vibrant and strong. This is a spiritual practice we commit to on our path to awakening and also once we have awakened. This spiritual muscle keeps us strong of heart and pure of spirit.
“The more we accept what is, the more open we are to accepting others for who they are and the more open we are to accepting ourselves as we are, flaws and all.”
Jodi, this is powerfully profound and the solution to so mush of our self-created troubles. Keep being who you are and thinking out loud on your blog. I like, admire and respect you for telling it like you see it.
Jodi, this such a powerful and important post. I concur that gratitude may be the greatest nemesis (in a good way!) to the ego. A mind wrapped around what is good, what is right, appreciated, full of wonder, in this moment is so honed in on gratitude that nothing else can permeate. Perhaps that is why the mystic Meister Eckhart wrote that the only prayer that was necessary was gratitude. “If the only prayer you ever offer is Thank you, that will suffice.”
I believe this and live to tell. A daily gratitude practice changed my life. Moved me from despair to acceptance to joy. It took time but in the end, gratitude became the way I viewed the world; the lenses through which I see. The same can be true for any of us. ANYONE can do this, esp. with the helpful tips you give here. Thank you so much for sharing this important message with others, Jodi! Blessings, Jan
Jodi, I thoroughly enjoyed this. I am a HUGE believer in living in gratitude. It is indeed how I re-center myself whenever I sway off course.
Hi Jodi,
Such a beautiful post. I can so much relate to what you wrote. Recently I was talking to someone who is a great spiritual teacher about fear. She told me that no one is immune from it. We all experience it in varying degrees and we just have to learn to deal with it. And she said we have to learn to trust more in the Divine Order of life as opposed to trusting our minds and bodies.
My past has had its share of pain (as does everyone elses) and as a result, there are certain thoughts that play in my head when my ego decides to run amuck. You are right, gratitude does help ease the ego and make us aware that our lives are already blessed.
It’s a gray rainy day here. I just made a hot cup of tea and sat down to read your latest blog – I feel warm and fuzzy now and it’s not just the tea! It’s the company I keep!
You’re so right about the gratitude routine at night. I start my day out with it – heck at my age I’m grateful for waking up each day! – but sometimes during the day I lose it – it’s good to come back to it again. It feels like coming home again – like this is where I belong, in gratitude!
I spent so many years denying ego. Then as many trying to accept it, or at least recognize when it was taking over, causing emotions to flare up, that bitterness you spoke about. I can read myself well enough to know now that if I am upset about something, I’d best see the ego involved in the matter. You know what ego hates? To say to it “Yeah, I know you’re there (acknowledging it), and thanks for pointing this out to me(showing it gratitude) . It does not know what to do/say next! I usually have a good giggle then and it goes back into it’s hole – until the next time.
Thanks for a wonderful post! I really enjoyed having my tea with you! Hugs
suzen
Jodi, I loved this post and the opening quote was right on!
My favorite parts were: training ourselves to have a ‘gratitude mindset’. I have been doing this more lately and it really does make a difference!
I was reading the book by Adyashanti, the other day and it was amazing!!
~I embrace the harsh emotions, let them cycle through me, counsel them, and set them free.
this is so true! I am learning to dialogue more and talk back to the ego! It’s never squirmed so much, but it does feel good to be breaking through to the ‘REAL’ me.
much luv to you,
Jen
That’s tremendous, Jodi, and I love that you referenced that Adyashanti practice. Last year, as I began to awaken more and more (non-abiding, I might add), I wanted to ditch my ego. I thought we were supposed to be able to rise above the ego, but someone kindly pointed out to me that ego is as much a part of us as our heart is. We must develop compassion for ourselves in moments when we can’t seem to rise out of ego, which I’m so glad you pointed out toward the end of your terrific post.
Now I know that ego has a place in my life. It needs to be there so that I can experience awareness uniquely – through the “me” that’s at the center of everything most days. Maybe someday I’ll step outside of the “me” and realize abiding awakening, but until then, everything is welcome here. The good, the bad, and the oh-so-ugly.
Thanks for being so honest with us… I find it courageous, and I’m grateful.
Love & joy!
Megan
Very nice article Jodi,
Living in gratitude has revolutionized my life. Just as you have written in this article, it has helped me to accept others for who they happen to be and to stop trying to view people through my personal set of “laws” or opinions.
Thanks Jodi, really good article.
Oh Jodi, what a beautiful piece, I do agree with all the glowing words of the others.
I too always felt bad when I noticed ‘bad’ feeling about someone or something and tried to quickly run away from them while telling myself off.
That was denying what was so and actually not dealing with the issue as you say. It is like sweeping the dirt under the carpet.
I also think that in the current circumstances we live in we cannot but be effected once in a while by the noise and enegy around us.
When John and I have been to town, we both feel rattled and we do notice how less peaceful we feel.
I love what you say about dealing with these unwanted feelings; ” I am showing myself a love that is patient, forgiving and nurturing. Which brings us back to the concept of acceptance, once again.”
Accept, see what is so and then forgive.
I keep hearing and saying this a lot, ‘we are still work in progress’ and only love expands our intelligence.
Hugs for a lovely post, Wilma
Hi Jodi,
Wonderful post! I’ll never forget when Oprah said “If the only prayer you ever say is ‘thank you,’ that is enough.” So powerful!
I have a gratitude journal and write in it occasionally. At first, it felt like a chore and then it wasn’t fun…so I have (finally) given myself permission to go to it when I feel so moved. And in the interim, I begin and end my day thinking about all that I am grateful for (which only takes a few minutes).
I remember, too, from “The Secret” learning that what “you thank about, you bring about.”
Today you have reminded me once again of the sheer power of gratitude. It’s a fantastic foundation for a life well lived.
I’m grateful for you!
great post . Glad I found your blog.
Thank you for all of these wonderful and insightful comments!
I’m heading out for a small trip. I will respond to to you each individually as soon as I’m in front of a computer again.
Enjoy a wonderful day! Jodi
Hi Jodi!
I think that sitting in the airport with my daughter for three hours while we awaited the outcome of whether customs would allow her fiance to enter, was a gratitude learning experience for me.
And a teaching moment.
Having spent the weekend in my yoga teacher training program, I had a few tricks up my sleeve that helped keep things in perspective. No matter if her fiance walked though “the fence” at Logan Airport, he was OK. I knew he was OK and I kept asking God to make sure he was being treated well.
The bailiff took him outside for a smoke (or to a smoking section?) and even brought him coffee. While the Border Patrol would not allow him to call my daughter or his own family in Ireland, it was the bailiff who handed him his own cell phone and I was the last person my future-son-in-law spoke to before arriving back in Dublin.
I am also grateful for the kindness the Aer Lingus flight attendants showed FSIL. He was well cared for on his premature return flight home.
And for all the angst that my daughter’s wedding was starting to cause, this was the biggest blessing in disguise. Her wedding will know take place in Ireland in the Spring. Exactly as it should be.
Grateful? You betcha!
Hi Tom!
Loving oneself is the greatest cure to most ills!
I am grateful for your comment. Thank you for your very kind and supportive words. Best to you, Jodi
Hi Jan!
You have such a gentle way with words. I love reading your posts, and comments. I know what you mean about the transformative powers of gratitude. A while back I was recording my 3-5 items per day in my gratitude journal each night. The word I would use to describe my life at that time was “enchanted” – really, that is absolutely how it felt. I went on a trip and decided to pack light, leaving my gratitude journal behind. Lo and behold, when I returned I had lost the habit, and have since only written in it here and there. While I have known the importance and benefitts of gratitude, it wasn’t until writing my last two posts that I realized it must be something we maintained, as if our life depends on it. So now I’m back on the habit. It isn’t enough to notice the things we are grateful for as they happen; we really need to take those few minutes each day to recognize their impact and celebrate them.
As for you being a living example…this is so beautiful. And that you now share your light and wisdom with others is very touching and such a gift of thanks right back to the universe!
A note about the comment you left on my last post…Since then my husand and I have been waking in the morning and saying out loud to each other how grateful we are for the other, for our warm bed, for the restful night’s sleep. we say it playfully, and it has been the best start to our days. Thank you for sharing / passing on that ritual of yours! xxoo, Jodi
Hi Tabitha!
There are so many vices people turn to when they are feeling off center. It is SO great (and admirable) that your method for getting back on course is gratitude. Which is exemplified by the peaceful, endearing posts on your blog!
Hi Nadia!
Thank you for sharing your experiences here! I would like to hear more about trusting in the Divine Order of life, rather than our thoughts and bodies. Might you write a post about it? I am sure your insights would be invaluable!
Hi SuZen!
Have a wonderful week. Thank you so much for the warmth you bring here.
I know just what you mean about settling down with a nice cup of tea and reading a blog. Mornings that start like that are the best! I am glad you were reading mine and thank you for your comment. I LOVE your strategy for dealing with the ego. I love it that you point it out and poke fun at it in a playful and gracious way. And I know just what you mean about how it then goes back in it’s rabbit hole until next time. Victory!
Hi Jen!
It is really good that you are learning to dialogue more and talk back to your ego. The more you can be the observer, noticing when you are being authentic and when your ego has pushed that real you aside, the better and stronger you will be. I adore the real you that you so eloquently express on your blog!
Hi Megan!
Thank you for your comment–lots of good stuff in there! After reading Adyashanti and coming to understand the difference between non-abiding awakening and abiding awakening, I have determined that in this world in which we live, unless you find a way to somewhat shelter yourself an abiding awareness is near impossible! (And so I have all the more respect for the great thinkers and spiritual teachers in our lives!)
The way in which you have embraced the ego’s position in your life, like another beating heart is wonderful. I love what you wrote here: “Now I know that ego has a place in my life. It needs to be there so that I can experience awareness uniquely – through the ‘me’ that’s at the center of everything most days.” This shows how heartily you embrace what “is” and I am humbled to read it. Very powerful stuff!!! You are an example to me in so many ways. Thank you for your contribution here!
Hi Keith!
I know what you mean about viewing people through your personal set of ‘laws’ and opinions. Boy have I been there! Isn’t it funny how just simply trying to stop that behavior really isn’t possible, until you practice gratitude. I think it goes back to filling one’s bucket. When your bucket is full, it overflows with goodness…when your bucket is empty, well, you are left with judgment and vice! Thank you for your comment here, I really appreciate it!
Hi Wilma!
I so agree with you that “in the current circumstances we live in we cannot but be effected once in a while by the noise and energy around us.” I am such a product of whatever environment I’m in. I soak good and bad energy up like a sponge. Part of my journey this year has been learning how to center myself always (a breath, an intention, gratitude, addressing my chakras per advice from Megan) so that I can be “me” and resilient and authentic, sometimes despite who I’m around or what situation I’m in.
Your quote about only love expanding our intelligence is a keeper. I’m adding it to my beloved collection. Wonderfully put!!
Hi Michelle!
Finding your own way to honor gratitude in your life is admirable. I think it’s wonderful that you take the time, day and night, to consider what you are greatful for! The quote you and Jan shared is powerful, what a simple reminder of what is important for us in this life!
Hi Karen!
I am so glad you stumbled upon Joy Discovered! I hope you will come back often and I hope you enjoy the experience. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment!
Hi Peggy!
What a powerful (and heart-wrenching) story you shared. Oh my goodness! You are such a brilliant example of love and strength! I love your ability to immediately apply perspective to a situation, to make lemonade of lemons, and see opportunity in having the wedding in the spring in Ireland, like you said, “as it should be.” Your daughter and future son-in-law are so incredibly blessed to have you in their lives. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I always learn so much from you. Blessings, Jodi
Hi Jodi,
This is a beautiful and important post.
One of my favorite quotations is from a poem by Seng-ts’an: “Do not seek the truth; only cease to cherish opinions.” That truly is the way to awakening.
Adyashanti is wonderful; I loved the book as well. As he points, with increasing awareness, thoughts and ego diminish considerably but they never go away. We can simply be alert to them, and observe them without judgment .
Thanks of a great post.
k
Hi Jodi, there is so much wisdom in this wonderful post, I don’t know where to start. When we can simply be and observe thought, without judgment, our attachment to opinions and thought and judgment loosens, as you say, thoughts quiet down and we see through love not fear. Adyashanti is wonderfully down to earth and he points out in many ways that these things can pop back up, and we just have to be alert and present to it all. Gratitude is a wonderful antidote. Thanks for a wonderful post.
Hi Jodi,
Like you, I’m a big believer in writing that which I’m grateful for. It is through that process I’ve realized the important “stuff” in life can’t be bought.
How can we put a price on a beautiful view, the smile on a child’s face, a hug, or the feeling of joy in our heart?
And like you said, it’s when we stop to count the blessings in our lives, the need to demean others fades away.
Jodi,
I love writing in my gratitude journals. I also like to think “thank you, thank you, thank you” when I am experiencing something delightful.
This week I’m going to practice whispering it though any difficulties that come up. Thank you!
Wilma is so funny with her words “telling myself off” I never thought of it this way but it’s exactly what I do when I beat myself up! I love reading her responses so I always look for her photo!
What a wonderful idea to keep a gratitude journal, to live a life of gratitutde.
A minister spoke at our church last summer about beginning every prayer with “gratitutde” about what God has done for me. He suggested making a list, keeping it tucked away in our bibles, to use every time we enter into prayer or reading scripture.
The little things are just as important as the big things, for saying “thank you.” What a spiritually rich post!–like Italian Hot Chocolate!
Hi Jodi — I like this framing of the idea of gratitude — that gratitude isn’t so much about writing a list of “things I’m grateful for,” but rather about choosing not to push away or run away from what you’re experiencing. If anger is arising and I keep breathing and allow the anger to flow through me, rather than saying “I shouldn’t feel angry,” in a sense I’m being grateful for that emotion in a way that matters.
Hello K / masalaerotica,
Thank you so much for your contribution to this post. The quote you shared is Lovely! You write so eloquently; thanks again for stopping by!
Hi Kaushik,
Thank you for the warm comment and for stopping by to read my post!
Hi Barbara,
Great point that the greatest treasures in life can’t be bought. And you are so right, having that reminder every day lessens our attachment to all the wrong things.
Hi Tess,
I’ve been doing that, too, the “thank you, thank you, thank you…” It’s nice when we recognize a good moment when it happens!
I’m a fan of Wilma’s too. Her comments always bring a wry smile to my face!
Blue Cotton Memory,
Thank you so much for stopping by Joy Discovered! Your minister had a great idea. I like the idea of reminding ourselves of all that we have to be grateful for, especially in one’s bible…it is so easy to ask ask ask from God but so much better to thank, thank, thank!
Hi Chris!
Wonderful point about the anger. We can experience gratitude about any negative emotion that we notice as the observer. We can be thankful for our progress and as you wrote, that we allowed the emotion to flow through us instead of putting up resistance. Thanks so much for sharing your comments, I always like hearing from you!
Guess who is sitting with red cheeks now, fighting with the ego and the heart how to accept those loving words.
Ego says, “do not comment this is Jodi’s blog” and heart says, “gracefully acknowledges the generosity, show gratitude and say thanks”.
Guess who won!
Thank you Jodi and Tess, you are both wonderful women whom I love.
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