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Love, Love, Love

December 14, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

The Master travels all day
without leaving home.
However splendid the views,
she stays serenely in herself.

“Who would you be in people’s presence without, for example, the story that anyone should care about you, ever? You would be love itself. When you believe the myth that people should care, you’re too needy to care about people or about yourself. The experience of love can’t come from anyone else; it can come only from inside you” (Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy, p71).

I was fortunate to learn from an early age that loving yourself is necessary for experiencing any kind of love at all. I knew that the degree of love one experiences in life is a reflection of the love one feels for herself. This knowledge made me bold—I thought I could only love myself thoroughly if I had a strong sense of self. I made it my goal to live with intention; I owned my words and actions, wore my heart on my sleeve, and strived to live without regrets. In knowing myself well, I was able to identify what I wanted in life, and who I wanted in my life. Love opened a lot of doors. This doesn’t mean I didn’t experience my share of mistakes or disappointments; certainly I did. But through it all, there was love.

What I know is that love begins with self-acceptance. We must embrace everything: the good, the bad, the ugly. All parts of us are beautiful. We celebrate every encounter, every action, every word and every thought, for in these experiences there are valuable lessons we gain or teach another.

If love is lacking in your life, change begins in you. Whether it is something in your life that you need to shift; or something about yourself that you need to accept, it all comes down to you and your relationship with self. Consider this: every day is a fresh start; every moment is a fresh start, every breath is a fresh start.

What do you need to do right now so that you can let love in?
Who do you need to be right now so that you can let love in?

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Posted in Community & Connection, Joy, Self-Care, Spirit | Tagged , , | 4 Comments »

Planting Seeds for the New Year

December 9, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

Doesn’t 2010 have a nice ring to it? It’s going to be a good year for all of us, I can feel it.

For the past few years rather than creating a resolutions list, I’ve picked a theme for the new year. Choosing a theme for the next year is all about discovering your personal truth and doing the work in your life so that you are living in alignment with that truth on a daily, moment by moment basis.  The ultimate result is a rich, harmonious life, and deep, fulfilling inner peace (in other words, JOY!).

Here are some areas to consider:

Question Beliefs - Sometimes if you consider the parts of your life that are less than satisfactory you will notice that they all relate back to a particular issue, like money or love and intimacy, for example. This is an indicator that your beliefs and how you live are perhaps not in alignment. It could be that you need to update your beliefs–perhaps you are living by an inherited belief system and not your own–and so your actions cause you to feel guilty and conflicted unnecessarily.  Other times, your beliefs are strong and worthy but you aren’t living your life in alignment with them. In 2010, consider what changes can be made to bring your beliefs, thoughts and actions into alignment.

Strengthen Connections - We all wear many hats…we are daughters, sons, fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, friends, sisters, brothers, employers, employees, teachers, students…sometime we get so caught up in the fray of day to day life that we don’t invest deeply enough with the people who mean so much to us. Make 2010 the year you change this around. Get more involved; embed yourself in the lives of those you care so much about. You matter. People want to know you better and to have you in their lives. You are worthy of the love you will receive in return. In 2010, mentor, love and encourage those around you; be the love you want to see and feel in your life.

Connect with Spirit - There is so much information available to all of us…in 2010 figure out what really speaks to you. Everyone’s spiritual journey is personal and unique. Discover what makes your spirit soar and then begin integrating key components into your life. Perhaps this is the year you explore meditation or journaling on a daily basis. Perhaps this is the year you take pause to ask–and answer–those big life questions; open discussions and ask for help in areas where you need it. Perhaps this is the year you seek out religion. Perhaps this is the year that you get back in touch with nature. Perhaps this is the year that you finally let that inkling of a passion blossom. Getting in touch with your spirit self is all about paving the way to a deep inner peace.

Let Go – This is the year you let go of emotional pain and baggage from the past; of resentment and anger you’ve been holding on to; of grudges; of judgment. This is the year you let go of being “in control” of all actions and people in your life (remember, all you have is this moment, embrace it, and relax!). If you realize you can’t let go of these dark feelings on your own, seek help. There is a mentor, a counselor, an elder or a peer, waiting for you to open up about this and let them help you. Sometimes you just have to say these unspeakable things out loud to let them go; other times you have to be able to reason with them now as an adult. Make this the year that you reach an understanding with these issues and lay them to rest. Remember, where there is a will, there is a way.

Simplify - Perhaps this is the year you simplify; let go of the to do list and expectations, attachments to ideas, beliefs, and material goods. Let go so you can let love in.  2010 may be the year you let go of “stuff.” Stuff can be defined as drama, gossip, speaking too much and listening too little, and all the trinkets we tell ourselves we need in order to live our lives. In 2010, simplify, breathe. Take care of the people in your life who are important; take care of yourself; the “stuff” really doesn’t matter.

Practice Joy – Every moment is an opportunity to be joyful, to be playful and to feel happiness. Make this the year that you really enjoy your time and make every moment count. Could you benefit from a bit more adventure, fun, silliness, or culture? Think about what could add that little bit of spice to your life. I remember one year of college, I bought two season tickets for the school theater group. I saw a play about every two months. It was fun to look forward to. It was fun to figure out who I would invite each time. The plays were wonderful and the talent of all the actors on the stage was impressive. Schedule those date nights, nights out with friends, and special day trips with the kids. Make your evenings special after work; make your weekends fun and special. Make every day the best you can. Like Tim McGraw’s song states, “Live like you were dying.”

Some tips for success:

Think about what I’ve written above. Is there a theme that resonates with you? There may be other areas you would prefer to focus on. That’s okay. Take your time and choose what you really want for your life. Try to pick just one theme. Make sure you really want this. Once you have committed to a theme, write down an affirmation for it, beginning with, “In 2010, I will . . .” Be as specific as possible. Fill in the blank with examples of what you will gain by adopting this theme for the next year. Start thinking about what actions you can take to make these changes come to life. Set a timeline for January. At the end of each month, assess your progress and plan for more in the following month.

My final suggestion is that you keep this theme to yourself. This is not a secret, but it is something you want to keep sacred. This is a commitment you are making to growing and expanding the quality of your life. If you choose to talk about it, keep it special and address it with the respect it deserves.

I am still thinking about my theme for the next year. At this point, the seeds have been planted and I’m waiting to see what blooms and wants the most attention.

I wish you peace, love and joy in 2010. I hope we continue to journey together!

 

 

Posted in Essentials, Joy, Self-Care, Spirit | Tagged , | 27 Comments »

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 24, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love it that it is all about family (or friends) and great big feasts. I love the food; I can hardly wait for a bite of this year’s turkey and chilled cranberry sauce. I love it that it is a time to celebrate what we have in our lives, who we have in our lives, and where we are in our lives. I love it that the feast usually starts early and there is plenty of time to visit. I love the conversations and the easy chatter about the coming holiday season. I love it that it’s cold enough outside to have a fire inside.  I love it that Thanksgiving is a day that we all pause to come together and simply enjoy one another’s company.

This year I will be celebrating with my family in northern California. I can’t wait; it has been too long since our last visit. The weather there is in the low 60’s which means I’ll be packing layers! I am looking forward to the trip. My children can hardly wait for all the time they will be spending outside, running free. We are so elated to have a break from our busy school schedules.

I am grateful for my life. I feel truly blessed for the loved ones in my family, for my children, my husband. I am grateful for my friends who consistently meet me with an open heart, make me laugh and inspire my creativity. I am also grateful to you, my reader, for taking the time to check in on Joy Discovered once a week. Thank you to so many of you who leave comments. So many times I am touched by what has been added to the discussion; the extra clarity, support, and joy is what keeps me coming back to write more. I am grateful to the friends I’ve made through the wires. Connection is so vital to who I am; I am grateful for the love and support that flows between us all as we criss-cross each other’s blogs.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it is a blessed and joyous event for each and every one of you!

With love,
Jodi

Posted in Community & Connection | 18 Comments »

Forgiveness, Letting Go, and Freedom

November 16, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

When I was young I observed some very powerful grudges in action. The people who harbored them were angry; the power their grudges wielded was enormous—and frightening. The damage these grudges caused to their lives and to those in their path, mine included, was voluminous. I did not like grudges; I wished to never have them. When something was done to me that was harsh or hurtful I worked very hard to get over it as soon as possible. Usually after just a few weeks I couldn’t remember important details. The pain and any possible blame I might have would just vanish. I figured out later on that this was a form of denial. At the time I experienced these events I didn’t know how to process them so I just tucked them away out of sight, out of mind. I fooled myself into thinking I was unaffected. 

Years ago those details I thought I had forgotten started bubbling to the surface. Experiencing these memories for the second time was tough. It was difficult for me to admit that I was holding on to a lot of pain and also, anger. At first I felt shame over the fact that I had been harboring these strong emotions for so long. I really thought I was done with these memories and had let them go. I was disappointed in myself; I was disappointed in the memories for having so much power over me. I felt a little bit like I had a secret monster lurking inside.

It started to feel good to express myself, eventually. It was like I was strong enough for the first time to claim how I really felt. It felt good to say, “I’m mad!” instead of “I’m fine!” I was able to raise my hand and say, triumphantly, “Hey, what happened here was wrong and I do not accept it.” 

The next phase, though, was realizing this new found bravado wasn’t contributing to peace and harmony in my life.

Around that time I started hearing about this concept of forgiveness. I learned how it is important to forgive others in order to let go of associated pain, anger or resentment. At first, the idea of forgiveness only increased my anger. I thought, “First I have the burden of this experience from someone who should have known better, and now the burden is on me, again, to forgive? Outrageous!” I was closed off to forgiveness. Forgiveness seemed like a gift you give the person who hurt you; I didn’t agree with it. Even later when I learned that forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the behavior or have to invite this person back into your life, I still couldn’t embrace it. I suppose I just wasn’t ready.

Then one day I was listening to a radio show hosted by Marianne Williamson. She described an exercise on forgiveness that caught my attention. She suggested we mentally recall a relationship or an event within a relationship and we take responsibility for our wrongs. One by one, we call out anything we did that was wrong, hurtful or thoughtless and we take responsibility. In this way, we humanize the relationship and diffuse the actions performed against us. The result is that we are finally able to let go of our grudge and any negative emotions associated with it. This is something we can do on our own. If we want to then reconcile the relationship, we can, but we don’t have to.  This resonated with me.

Over the next several weeks, anytime I was driving around town, or doing something else where I could be alone with my thoughts, I went over these past events and accepted my part. It helped me a lot and I learned a powerful lesson on humility. I realized that a wrong committed is a wrong no matter what. What I mean by this is that sometimes we weigh the wrongs committed against us and if they are really big, we refuse to accept that we also played a part because our wrongs are so seemingly insignificant by comparison. We make the person who hurt us into a horrible villain and we are one hundred percent the victim. We defend, or cancel out, anything we did wrong because we find it to be less wrong than what was done to us. 

In my own way, I had this mentality. The bulk of my experience occurred between parent and child. Prior to this exercise, I refused to accept any responsibility because I was a child when the trouble began. I am right in many respects; but our troubled relationship did continue into my adult years and surely I contributed to the pain and mistrust that existed between us later on. That I was a child when the trouble began was my “free pass” so to speak. What I came to realize is that by holding on exclusively to what had been done to me, I had locked myself into the victim mentality. Anytime we enter into a victim/villain dynamic we’re stuck. The relationship locks up and stalls. Our own growth stalls, too, because we are too attached to our one-sided ideas about the situation. I had to accept that in the Court of Forgiveness, all wrongs are equal. Doing this diffused my pain and anger. In taking a look at where I could have done things differently, I realized I was not perfect in the situation and so I could not expect perfection from the other person, either. Surrendering my part to the situation helped me to see how each of us contributed to the problem. Seeing what my pain caused me to say or do made me more open to seeing what actions against me may have been motivated by pain. I felt empathy, even. 

Personally, I was much better off. Doing this exercise unlocked a part of me that I never thought would be free. The lightness I felt as I came to terms with all of this was instantaneous. Being able to refer to this as forgiveness still took a little more time for me. But I did arrive there eventually. 

I finally understood what I heard before about how forgiving someone else is a gift we give ourselves. Forgiveness frees us from the past. We are able to function happily in the present once again when we let go of the past. We allow our hearts to open instead of going through life with a clenched fist.

I wanted to share Marianne Williamson’s method for forgiveness in hopes that it could help one of you with letting go of your own pain or anger. I think there is a way for all of us to heal, we just have to find the way that works for us. When we are healed, peace and harmony are possible.

Posted in Family, Mind, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirit | Tagged , , | 24 Comments »

A Gardening Tale

November 3, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

NemesiasWe have this potted plant outside our front door. For a while it was a really pretty gardenia. We loved its fragrant and gorgeous blossoms. Then some hot, dry, end of summer days came around and our gardenia started looking a little whithered. We added water but it didn’t seem to make a difference. We added more water and still, there wasn’t any difference. The gardenia plant eventually died. When I pulled the gardenia out of the pot, I saw that the roots had all but disappeared, and the potting soil was basically a soggy marsh…it even smelled a bit swampy. Evidently, the gardenia hadn’t been drinking the water at all (and we had a bit of a drainage problem). 

Several days later I planted some purple nemesia flowers. As I planted these flowers, I noticed again how soggy the soil was. I wasn’t sure how these plants would perform in this environment but I thought we would just have to give them a chance.

It has been a month and a half now and I have yet to water this pot. The nemesias are drinking up the water in the soil and appear to be thriving. We have enjoyed bloom after bloom of these delicate purple beauties.

I just love the life lesson embedded in this story. Our environment is so important. While I do believe it is possible to “bloom where you’re planted,” I also believe that sometimes we can be living in an environment that absolutely stifles us and makes it impossible for us to grow. So today, I ask you to look at your life. Consider your family, your friends, your job, your home, the car you drive in each day, the road you take in to work, things like that, and reflect on whether or not these are contributing to your demise, or your vitality. If you are being cut off at the roots, make some changes to protect yourself. Perhaps you need more order in your life or perhaps you need to be less rigid; perhaps you need to spend more time with the friends who make you feel loved and accepted and less time with the others; perhaps you need to spruce up your home, whether by cleaning it, decluttering it, or adding a few inexpensive decorating touches. 

If you are blooming where you are planted, give thanks!

Posted in Environment | Tagged , | 23 Comments »

Knowing vs. Doing

October 19, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

I have exercised on and off…mostly off, for the past three years. I’ve decided I’m ready to tackle this; I want to be in shape and feel healthy and strong again. Last week I met with a personal trainer. This is a big deal for me, because I usually don’t ask for help, especially help I have to pay for. But I decided this time, if I am going to stick with an exercise program, I need to be accountable to the money I’m spending, as well as the person I’ve enlisted to look after me.

Our meeting was great. Before my trainer designed my workout we talked about my fitness goals and what I like to do for exercise. She asked me how often I’m eating and what I have been eating at each meal. I told her I’ve been skipping breakfast a lot and snacking and only occasionally eating a good lunch. Her eyes grew big, and then she reminded me how important breakfast is for our metabolism and overall health. She suggested I eat four to six times per day, and that I make sure there are plenty of vegetables and lean protein in my diet. I started to open my mouth to defend myself. I wanted to tell her that I know all this, that I know when to eat, what to eat…but then, before saying anything, I closed my mouth. I realized that if I’m not doing all this, if I’m not consistently eating breakfast and consistently making healthy food choices, I have no claim on that knowledge anymore. When it comes to fitness and healthy eating, we can know all we want but if we’re not doing it, we are neither fit nor healthy.

This got me to wondering if there are other things I know are good for me that I am not doing. The truth of the matter is, there are quite a few things. I would imagine that is the case for a lot of us. There are things we mentally take note of, look into further and approve of. We commit to doing these things as soon as we can. And then for whatever reason, we put them off.

So this is my lesson right now…it’s time to collect my thoughts on exactly what is best for me and make sure I’m putting thought to practice. The act of doing is what counts. Collecting knowledge is good and important but thoughtful integration of these practices is what makes all the difference.

I’m starting with exercise and eating right. From there, I’ll keep fine tuning.

How about you? Is there anything you need to change from an “I know” status to a “I do that!” status?

Posted in Body, Mind, Self-Care | Tagged , , | 24 Comments »

Love in All Directions

October 13, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

I am in the middle of reading ”A Thousand Names for Joy,” written by Byron Katie. There is a chapter where Katie showcases the Inquiry, or what she calls The Work. The Work is a creation of Katie’s, consisting of four questions and a turn around:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
  3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought? and, Turn it around.

This inquiry is what Katie suggests we put into play anytime we recognize a thought that is causing us to suffer. Why? Because when we have a certain thought that is or is not true, our mind comes to the rescue and provides proof for why we should continue thinking that thought. In this mad cycle, we create our own suffering. For example, if someone is living in a way that is completely contrary to your beliefs, and your every encounter with him/her absolutely makes you crazy, The Work would help you to realize that it is actually not this person’s actions that cause you to suffer, it’s your thoughts about that person’s actions. When you realize you can’t absolutely know your thoughts on this person to be true, and then realize how stressed out and crazy you feel because you are believing these thoughts, and then realize how peaceful and maybe even joyous you would be without those thoughts…well, in that way, you set yourself free. The Work is a tool we can use to help us accept, and love, what “is,” including difficult people!

Let’s get back to this chapter showcasing The Work in action. Katie was talking to a man named Peter, who is dyslexic. Peter related the following: “‘I’m angry at my reading and writing disability, my dyslexia, because it makes it hard to write, read, communicate, do the Internet, e-mail, work’” (p32). Katie goes through The Work with Peter, and eventually he comes around, realizing for him, dyslexia is a gift, as it frees up so much of his time, among other reasons. He also admits to himself that he is rather talented; the solutions he has created for problems related to reading and writing are quite clever. Over the course of their conversation, Peter is able to let go of his anger, and even laughs at himself.  He really starts to come around. This is the part that got me:

‘KATIE:  You know those people I was describing to you, the ones who didn’t understand, who were so impatient? I was one of those. That’s how I treated my daughter. She’s dyslexic.

PETER:  You bitch! [The audience laughs.]

KATIE [nodding her head]:  Yes.  [Pause.]  You know what a bitch is? Someone who simply believes what she thinks. Pure ignorance! That leaves you to love us, until we understand. But only if you want to be happy’” (p38).

There is such beauty in that statement!! Katie said to Peter, “‘That leaves you to love us, until we understand. But only if you want to be happy.’” 

There are things we will come to understand about ourselves, about life. Not everyone is going to be in agreement with who we are, what we do, or why…but if we want to be happy, we have to love them anyway, until they understand. And if they don’t ever understand, that’s okay, too. We keep loving them anyway—If we want to be happy.

I think what Katie was expressing here is that loving what is, also means loving people in their “as is” state. What we believe about how others live their lives, or how we believe others perceive us living our own lives simply does not matter. That is madness and that will only cause suffering—because we are wishing things to be different over which we have little to no control. In this particular case, Katie suggested that Peter “love” or show compassion toward people who don’t understand dyslexia, or don’t understand that he has dyslexia. If someone is irritated that he is taking so long to write a check, he should simply explain that he has dyslexia and maybe even ask the person to help him write his check, or as Peter added in the conversation, “Use a credit card!”  In this way, Peter is no longer at war with his dyslexia. Because he has realized it is a gift, he no longer resents it and he no longer feels shame for having it. The shame he associated with dyslexia before doing The Work is what caused his anger. When he no longer believes his thoughts about shame, he no longer suffers. Peter is free!

This passage in “A Thousand Names for Joy” provides further illumination for the many ways in which we can take responsibility for our own happiness. I hope Katie’s lesson leaves a lasting impression on you, as it did me. I see myself in the “bitch” who is ignorant and believes her own thoughts…I also see myself in the compassionate person who loves others even when they judge or don’t understand. Through this lesson, I have learned the importance of giving love in all directions. If I want to be happy…

Posted in Books, Community & Connection, Joy, Spirit | Tagged , , | 20 Comments »

Opinions, Gratitude and Bridging the Gap

October 6, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”     Joan Didion

Opinions

When did our opinions become so important? We live in this extremely self-indulgent society where the court of public opinion, rather than the simple truth, decides the fate of things that aren’t even our business to begin with. With the media, commercials, movies and television shows, we really have been trained to give much too much value to our own opinions. I’m talking about the egoic opinions we all have, narrating our every encounter, clouding true reason with relentless little judgments. Outwardly, when we speak these forbidden thoughts, we are gossiping. We fool ourselves into thinking that gossiping is a way of bonding, we think it builds trust between people when actually every whispered utterance chips away at the collective spirit. As we begin to realize how ugly gossip is, even when it’s whispered only to a close friend or relative, even when it’s shared only with our trusted partner, we cease giving these thoughts a voice. Yet these thoughts are still nasty little seeds planted in the garden of our minds, tainting the filter through which we perceive the world and everyone in it.

Over time, the thoughts decrease and we begin to see more people and events through loving eyes; we cease labeling everything and we try our hardest to see the best in every person and situation. But the dreaded thoughts do still rear their ugly heads on occasion. This is troubling. When we commit to honoring the best in all beings and yet these thoughts still pop up, we are most certainly troubled.

Gratitude

Gratitude is one way we can combat the ego. Gratitude opens our hearts to accepting what IS. The more we accept what is, the more open we are to accepting others for who they are and the more open we are to accepting ourselves as we are, flaws and all. The more we embrace acceptance the more we are filled with love for this life we are so blessed to live. I have mentioned gratitude countless times in this blog because it is such a powerful tool for living a joyful life. Gratitude helps us resurrect the joy that dwells within us.

Simply acknowledging that you are grateful for your life is wonderful. But to gain the full benefits of gratitude, we must practice it. This involves keeping a notebook at your bedside and on a regular basis, recording three to five things (or more when you are so inclined) that you are grateful for from your day. When you first begin doing this, it may be difficult. Your mind instantly grasps for the things in your life you are “supposed” to be grateful for. While those things are certainly worth the gratitude, the practice of gratitude is really about breaking your day down and feeling gratitude for the small acts of kindness, happiness, luck or what have you, that you experienced. An entry may be something like this:

October 5, 2009

  1. I am grateful for the view of the Pacific as I crested the hill on Alga this afternoon. It was breathtaking.
  2. I am grateful that after my son’s booster shots today, he learned how calming a big breath in and out can be.
  3. I am grateful my older son had such a happy lightness to him today and that homework was effortless.
  4. I am grateful for the five minute chat I had with my friend today, outside her house.
  5. I am grateful that while I got a great deal crossed off my to do list today, I managed also to take care of my kids in a way that they knew they came first and were special. I haven’t felt in harmony like that in a very long time.

As we collect these lists each night, we are training ourselves to have a ‘gratitude mindset’. Pretty soon you will find you are subconsciously looking for the next positive spark to add to your night’s list, which means that low and behold you are starting to expect the positive in your life. You realize the little things are the big things: you begin to feel as wonderful when the items on your grocery list are on sale at the store, as when you are given a raise at work. You learn that you are equally pleased by someone holding open the door for you as you are by receiving a gift. Your gratitude for the big joys in life is not diminished but added to that, you now have raised the impact that small moments have on you. It is in this way that you experience a shift in your world. It is in this way that you begin to see and feel love towards everyone and everything–because you begin to feel love all around you. Gratitude envelopes you like a warm blanket. You relish the comfort and pay it forward; and so the love in your world expands, as does the warmth you perceive around you.

Bridging the Gap

And yet, gosh darn it, every now and again, you still find yourself having a violently bitter thought about a situation or person. I have been so frustrated by another that I called him/her “worthless” in my mind. How awful is that? The loving being that you now know yourself to be looks at this and wonders where in the world is this bitterness coming from? How can it be? I thought I had overcome my ego? I thought I was on the path to living an awakened life?

This is where our beloved Adyashanti comes in. A while back I wrote about his book The End of Your World. I gained so much from that one book. I have been mulling over something Adyashanti wrote for the past few months and I think it applies here. He wrote that even those who are awakened have an egoic thought rise to the surface occasionally. What he would do in those instances is go to a coffee shop and write in his journal endlessly, trying with all his might to get to the origin of this egoic thought, to this bitterness. The point he made in why this is necessary for one to do is that quite often we come to terms with something intellectually without completely processing the emotional component. These  instances when bitterness boils to the surface are actually opportunities for us to bridge the gap between our intellect and our emotions.

I recognize this in myself. There are some situations I have lived through that were emotionally very painful. At the time they occurred, everything seemed to be happening so fast that I’m not sure I was even capable of processing everything I was feeling. Growing up and past those events though, I would say that intellectually I have made peace with it all; I have crossed every ”t” and dotted every ” i”.  And yet, the ego rears its head. So I am learning, like Adyashanti once did, to sit with my bitterness when it bubbles up and investigate it, and in so doing, give myself a chance to recognize the raw emotion that is still within me, and to make peace.  I embrace the harsh emotions, let them cycle through me, counsel them, and set them free. In this way, I am showing myself a love that is patient, forgiving and nurturing. Which brings us back to the concept of acceptance, once again.

Our greatest tool for combatting the ego is accepting the present moment for everything it is, exactly as it is. How do we do this? By practicing gratitude. This must be done on a regular basis. This type of thinking, feeling, being, living is like a muscle and it must be exercised so that it can remain vibrant and strong. This is a spiritual practice we commit to on our path to awakening and also once we have awakened. This spiritual muscle keeps us strong of heart and pure of spirit.

Posted in Books, Joy, Mind, Quotes, Spirit | Tagged , , , | 24 Comments »

My Happy Place, Your Happy Place

September 29, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

I have written before that I am a scrapbooker. Almost all of our major events have been highlighted in our family albums. Along with the albums, I have boxes and boxes of duplicate photos. Recently, I decided it was time to go through them all and save only our favorites. In the process, I came across pictures from when I was pregnant with my first son. It occurred to me that this pregnancy was the happiest time in my whole life. I can go right back to the feelings of joy and abundance I felt then. It was a period filled with hope and excitement. Everything had a silver lining. If I was tired, I was supposed to be. If I was energetic, I was supposed to be. If I was craving a milkshake, well then I better get one. Every bubble, thump or poke in my belly had meaning. Being pregnant was sheer bliss. Everything about it was positive. Conversations came easy. Strangers were helpful and pleasant. It was a special time in my life and a special time in my marriage; it was all around spectacular.

Thinking back on this time of ultimate joy and happiness prompted me to think of other times when I felt thoroughly happy. I thought of vacations I have taken with my husband, when we have been relaxed and playful, and not at all preoccupied by work; when we have had lots of time to read and be outdoors, when we have had plenty of sleep and delicious, healthy food. I thought about when I was a child and I went camping with my grandparents in the redwoods; or the times my brother and I went for long bike rides with my dad; or the Friday nights when my brother and I were little, snuggled on the couch with my mom to watch Dukes of Hazard–always with Pepsi and popcorn to add to the fun.  I think about my family now and the days we spend at the beach; when we take our boys to the movies or out for bowling or miniature golf and they can’t stop grinning from ear to ear. Soon a flood of memories came back that were all of really happy moments in my life, past and present. Remembering these events made me feel like I was glowing inside. The joy I feel recounting these memories is as real now as it was when the events actually occurred. This has been documented. The brain does not know the difference between a real or an imagined event. Whether I am experiencing joy in the moment, or recounting joy from twelve years ago, endorphins are sent from my brain throughout my body.

This is when I realized something. I have a happy, joyous life right now. But, I do get caught up sometimes in the day-to-day minutiae. I know we all have that tendency. Sometimes, one can become so wrapped up in the minutiae that one’s existence begins to feel flat. And sometimes, feeling “flat” becomes the norm and happiness, or joy, is a faded memory that seems out of reach. Around that time, someone comes along and recommends making affirmations about the life you want to have. The advice is always the same: feel how good it is to have what you want as though it is already here, or accomplished. This is how you create the life you want; not by whining, complaining or numbing out, but by positive visualization and right action. A small problem can occur, though, when you no longer remember what true happiness or joy feels like. And so you read these affirmations to yourself and you try to imagine how you should feel if your goal comes to life but there is a major disconnect. There is a disconnect between what you “should” feel and what you actually know how to feel. What to do then?

I recommend sitting in a quiet place for several minutes over the next few days and going back in your memory bank for supremely joyful events. Write them down, make a list. Once you get started, these memories will come flooding back. Once you have a list, look it over and feel the joy you had in each of those moments. Hold that feeling there and say to yourself, “Ah ha! This is what joy feels like. This is it. I remember!” Notice the sensations you experience in your mind and body as you acquaint yourself with these memories. Now, each day, read over your list of happy, joy-filled moments and feel the joy again. This is referred to as going to your ”happy place.” While still feeling the sensations of joy, think about the life you have today, and the life you want. You will notice first that you are grateful for who you are and what your life is at this moment. Next you will notice that your goals, or affirmations, come alive and begin to really feel possible. Do this each day and your sense of wonder will be restored. Your heart will open up again and swell with joy. Most important, simply feeling good will become easier.

Posted in Joy, Mind, Spirit | 26 Comments »

Expressing Thanks

September 21, 2009 by Jodi Sloane

For the last twenty years I have had, on occasion, terrible migraine headaches. They started when I was in high school. Anytime I saw a doctor, I was given advice from the same script: drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, and watch the caffeine intake. For the most part, I did drink plenty of water, exercise regularly and watch my caffeine intake, so this advice really didn’t help me. I continued to get the headaches. Finally, a couple of years ago, I told a new doctor that I had these headaches. He told me the same advice I’ve always heard and I pushed back. I explained how they last for three days, how much Ibuprofen I take for them, and how I still don’t feel any relief. I told him how I am a mother, and I don’t feel right having these headaches and being grumpy and in pain for several days when I have small children to love and care for. I explained that I get them as many as six times a month. He referred me to a neurologist.

Before my neurology appointment, I kept a log of what I was eating and drinking, what kind of exercise I was getting, and when my headaches occurred. I rated my headaches for pain and marked their duration. I was determined to be taken seriously. My neurologist was kind. He read my headache log and told me I definitely had migraines. He prescribed triptans, which I take at the first sign of a headache. He told me it was time to get my life back.

I began using the medication and I was amazed. What a difference! Most of my headaches could be stopped now before they caused any full-blown pain. I was gratified to my core!

This is where my story really begins. It’s not my intention to make you sit through an entire article on my medical history!  Two weeks after my appointment, I was driving out of a shopping center and I thought I saw my neurologist. I had to say something! My heart started racing. I felt like a silly movie-star groupie!! I rolled down my window, and yelled out, “Dr. XXX! My name is Jodi. I’m one of your patients. I saw you recently and the headache medication you gave me is changing my life! The headaches aren’t taking over anymore! You made such a difference. Thank you for taking the time to help me!” My doctor’s demeanor was quiet, and he said, “I was just walking here, feeling down on myself about something from earlier today. You really made me feel good. Thank you. I appreciate you saying something.”  We said our goodbyes and I drove off.

The significance of this moment was not lost on me. I learned the importance of not taking for granted how crucial it is to express gratitude—even to those whose greatness we think is so huge, they don’t need to hear how wonderful they are or be reminded of the contributions they make.

Everyone has a bad day every now and again. I caught my neurologist in the midst of his own. If I had not been in my car and worried about stopping traffic; if I had had a couple more minutes to observe him before speaking, I think I would have noticed his slumped shoulders and that he was deep in thought, and I probably would have passed on saying something, thinking I should just leave him be and send him a thank you note instead. I’m so glad there wasn’t time for that. I’m glad I spoke up, even if I spoke fast, and really did seem like a teeny-bopper groupie in my giddiness.

Who in your life would you like to thank?

Posted in Body, Mind, Spirit | 18 Comments »

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